Tuesday, July 07, 2009@12:37:00 am
She came today. And left.
She collected her things and we talked. What else?
I picked up my camera. That's what else.
For some sick messed up reason I picked up that camera and snapped away as we discussed why she was breaking my heart, as if I had some sickening urge to document the death of one of the most important relationships in my life thus far.
Why did I do it? I don't know. The fact that I put them up on DeviantArt only adds to the twistedness. And now the look on her face is forever immortalised in those pictures, eating away at me every time I see them. There are no models here, no actors. These expressions are not faked, the emotion is not false. It's ironic because I've always wanted the look of real emotions in my photography, and I found it in the demise of my own romance.
My god, I love her.
And I hate myself for it.
Broken
@12:31:00 am
She collected her things and we talked. What else?
I picked up my camera. That's what else.
For some sick messed up reason I picked up that camera and snapped away as we discussed why she was breaking my heart, as if I had some sickening urge to document the death of one of the most important relationships in my life thus far.
Why did I do it? I don't know. The fact that I put them up on DeviantArt only adds to the twistedness. And now the look on her face is forever immortalised in those pictures, eating away at me every time I see them. There are no models here, no actors. These expressions are not faked, the emotion is not false. It's ironic because I've always wanted the look of real emotions in my photography, and I found it in the demise of my own romance.
My god, I love her.
And I hate myself for it.
@12:31:00 am
I don't usually announce things like this over my personal blog, let alone DeviantArt as well.
But for some reason I feel like it. If I'm gonna be depressed ythey can all be depressed with me.
She has decided that it was time to end our relationship, for both our sakes, and she has left me broken. I don't know how long this will take to heal. I keep hoping against hope that it was a mistake, that we will be together again, that she will somehow miraculously fall in love with me, the way I seem to have fallen for her.
But it is extremely unlikely she will come back to me.
And deep down, I think maybe what she did was right. Even if it does make me want go to sleep and wake up dead.
On the plus side though, the last time she made me feel like throwing myself off a cliff, I ended up producing what I think are brilliant photos.
So who knows, maybe I'll create something mind-blowingly depressing and impressing.
Yes, I realise that I'll probably regret writing all this up here some time in future but I'll worry about it then.
See ya.
But for some reason I feel like it. If I'm gonna be depressed ythey can all be depressed with me.
She has decided that it was time to end our relationship, for both our sakes, and she has left me broken. I don't know how long this will take to heal. I keep hoping against hope that it was a mistake, that we will be together again, that she will somehow miraculously fall in love with me, the way I seem to have fallen for her.
But it is extremely unlikely she will come back to me.
And deep down, I think maybe what she did was right. Even if it does make me want go to sleep and wake up dead.
On the plus side though, the last time she made me feel like throwing myself off a cliff, I ended up producing what I think are brilliant photos.
So who knows, maybe I'll create something mind-blowingly depressing and impressing.
Yes, I realise that I'll probably regret writing all this up here some time in future but I'll worry about it then.
See ya.